Living with dermatillomania.

1. Dermatillomania
2. The primary characteristic of Skin Picking Disorder (also known as Dermatillomania or Excoriation) is the repetitive picking at one's own skin to the extent of causing damage. Usually, but not always, the face is the primary location for skin picking. However, Skin Picking Disorder may involve any part of the body.
3. As a disclosure this may be a topic that you may find uncomfortable and you are welcome to by pass it. But if you, or if you know someone who has this, continue reading. Also, I'm not a professional researcher and I am not a psychologist. I am strictly writing from my own personal struggle and research that I have done. If you would like further in depth information go to: http://www.trich.org/about/skin-picking.html
4. I wanted to do a post about dermatillmania because it is a disorder that is not entirely excepted as an actual disorder. I am hoping that I can help others understand that this is a disorder, it is not something you may have control over and that you are not alone. It can be picking at ones own skin anywhere on the body, sure there are area's that are more common to pick, but not everyone does this in the same location. It is believed to be triggered by anxiety, perhaps tend to be done in situation in which something happens and it triggers the need to pick.
   I have dermatillomania. I don't know how long I have struggled with it, but for as long as I can remember since I was a kid. Up until a few months ago I didn't know that my complusive behavior had a name; I just thought it was a bad habit (for lack of a better word). I remember so many people telling me to
   "just stop". 
5. "Stop picking at your fingers they are going to scar"
   "Doesn't it hurt?"
   "why can't you just stop? Just don't pick at them."
   "You won't want your hands photographed on your wedding day."
   "Why do you want to hurt yourself?"
6. Many people would tell me that it's easy to not pick, that it doesn't make sense why I do it. They would ridicule me and make me feel like I was abnormal. I was embarrassed of my fingers, I would hid my hands in my sweater or pockets, I had anxiety of people holding my hand or if I had to hand them something I would arrange my fingers around said object in a way that they wouldn't be able to see the scarring and wounds. I didn't want to do this to myself, it's not for attention seeking. If I could, I wouldn't do this it, I would treat my hands with love and care. But I couldn't control it and sometimes I wouldn't even realize that I was doing it. I would sit there and minutes later realize my fingers were bleeding. Even now, becoming more aware of my disorder I still can't figure out what the trigger is. I try to educate friends and family about dermatillomania, help them understand that I wish I could stop, that I am working on it and that telling me to "just stop" isn't going to help me.
7. So for those of you do struggle with this, understand that this is something you shouldn't feel embarrassed about, rather see it as something you should come to terms with as a disorder and open up to a friend, family member, therapist, whoever. If you know someone who struggles with this, don't tell them to "just stop". You are not helping when you say that, if anything you are hindering them. When you see them picking, talk to them, try to help them see that they are not in a stressful situation (given, that you guys aren't in one?) tell them whatever you feel is right in helping them, do not demean them because you do not understand. 
8. It wasn't easy to write at the beginning my admittance on such a public forum. As I do further research and I grow to learn more about this I want to help others grow with me and if you want to reach out, you are always welcome to drop me a message. Also, I will continue to open up about my struggle with you over time. 
9. 
   

Staying relevant

I'm sure many of us have had self conscious thoughts of: Am I important? Do people care or worry? Etc. In this day of age one of the ways we think we are relevant is based of how many twitter followers we have, how many people like our updates and photo's on Facebook; do you see where I am going with this? I too, have had days were I worry that perhaps I am socially awkward or are boring or any semi-ridiculous thought that something is wrong with me, when in actuality there is nothing wrong with me or you or anything wrong with the people you know, that don't "like" your new photo.

Before there was social networking how did people stay friends outside of high school? Sadly, many people didn't. You moved on with your life as you grew older. Making new friends in college, work so on and so forth. It wasn't because you didn't want to be around your old comforting friends but because as a part of life, you reached out and focus on you. With Facebook we see what everyone is doing. How they are going out of the country, how they are having brunch at the Ritz Carlton, having babies, these huge things and while many of us are sitting at home thinking, when is it my turn? Why are they getting to do all these things? Why do so many people care about their travels and life events? None of things should be important. We concern ourselves with other people's lives too often that we forget to look at what we have. What wonderful things are happening in our own personal lives.

We shouldn't find legitimacy through other people, but through ourselves.

And of course there is the dreadful "unfriended" on Facebook or "unfollow" on instagram or twitter. Why do we care? It's not like we actually talk to these people. Sometimes we do though and that hurts the most. How often do people move on because of a personal dig at you? Not as often as we would like to believe. Believing that someone doesn't want any further contact turns into a selfish desire. A desire to hang onto things and to make things stay the same because it makes us feel secure. Many people are looking for a clean slate, to move on from high school (the drama, the rumors, etc). I have felt offended when I have been unfriended in the past and I probably will in the future. But I myself have unfriended people. Only two people and it was selfish to say the least, but that's not the point of this. We shouldn't focus on what's happening on social networking, we should try to focus more on what is going on in the world, current events. How can we change the world, because that's more important and will be more relevant in the future. No one is going to remember when "so and so" went on a study abroad trip. Many things on social sites are fleeting and will only be remembered by those who actually experienced them.

Hopefully this will help those of you who are worried about why you feel like you aren't relevant. You are not. Just close the computer, go outside, volunteer and experience life through your eyes and your experiences because your relevance should be your own personal thing and everyone else's? That is there's.

Why I started a blog

I didn't start up this blog on a spur of the moment idea. It took me months of pondering if whether or not I wanted to do this. I was worried that I would run out of idea's or not even come up with any. I worried that it would be just another phase of something I wanted to do and it would fade away. But in the past few days of actually sitting down, making ideas, updating my blog, designing, it hit me, I know exactly why I made this blog. I made this blog with hopes of being there for girls who may not have female figure in their life to look up to. Perhaps they didn't have someone to teach them things about make up, skin care or hair care. When I was 7 my mom had passed away and it was just my dad and I for a very long time and I didn't have anyone to teach me about this girlier stuff and I had always wished there was someone to teach me. I was too afraid to ask anyone for help with fear of them judging me so I went through many make up fazes. I went through no make up, too much make up, wrong shade of make up and everything in between. I want my blog to be there for girls who need someone to turn to for advice and idea's or maybe just a place to be comfortable. I hope anyone out there feels that they can come to this blog and enjoy and ask questions. I will answer any and all and will help to the best of my knowledge.