Living with dermatillomania.

1. Dermatillomania
2. The primary characteristic of Skin Picking Disorder (also known as Dermatillomania or Excoriation) is the repetitive picking at one's own skin to the extent of causing damage. Usually, but not always, the face is the primary location for skin picking. However, Skin Picking Disorder may involve any part of the body.
3. As a disclosure this may be a topic that you may find uncomfortable and you are welcome to by pass it. But if you, or if you know someone who has this, continue reading. Also, I'm not a professional researcher and I am not a psychologist. I am strictly writing from my own personal struggle and research that I have done. If you would like further in depth information go to: http://www.trich.org/about/skin-picking.html
4. I wanted to do a post about dermatillmania because it is a disorder that is not entirely excepted as an actual disorder. I am hoping that I can help others understand that this is a disorder, it is not something you may have control over and that you are not alone. It can be picking at ones own skin anywhere on the body, sure there are area's that are more common to pick, but not everyone does this in the same location. It is believed to be triggered by anxiety, perhaps tend to be done in situation in which something happens and it triggers the need to pick.
   I have dermatillomania. I don't know how long I have struggled with it, but for as long as I can remember since I was a kid. Up until a few months ago I didn't know that my complusive behavior had a name; I just thought it was a bad habit (for lack of a better word). I remember so many people telling me to
   "just stop". 
5. "Stop picking at your fingers they are going to scar"
   "Doesn't it hurt?"
   "why can't you just stop? Just don't pick at them."
   "You won't want your hands photographed on your wedding day."
   "Why do you want to hurt yourself?"
6. Many people would tell me that it's easy to not pick, that it doesn't make sense why I do it. They would ridicule me and make me feel like I was abnormal. I was embarrassed of my fingers, I would hid my hands in my sweater or pockets, I had anxiety of people holding my hand or if I had to hand them something I would arrange my fingers around said object in a way that they wouldn't be able to see the scarring and wounds. I didn't want to do this to myself, it's not for attention seeking. If I could, I wouldn't do this it, I would treat my hands with love and care. But I couldn't control it and sometimes I wouldn't even realize that I was doing it. I would sit there and minutes later realize my fingers were bleeding. Even now, becoming more aware of my disorder I still can't figure out what the trigger is. I try to educate friends and family about dermatillomania, help them understand that I wish I could stop, that I am working on it and that telling me to "just stop" isn't going to help me.
7. So for those of you do struggle with this, understand that this is something you shouldn't feel embarrassed about, rather see it as something you should come to terms with as a disorder and open up to a friend, family member, therapist, whoever. If you know someone who struggles with this, don't tell them to "just stop". You are not helping when you say that, if anything you are hindering them. When you see them picking, talk to them, try to help them see that they are not in a stressful situation (given, that you guys aren't in one?) tell them whatever you feel is right in helping them, do not demean them because you do not understand. 
8. It wasn't easy to write at the beginning my admittance on such a public forum. As I do further research and I grow to learn more about this I want to help others grow with me and if you want to reach out, you are always welcome to drop me a message. Also, I will continue to open up about my struggle with you over time. 
9. 
   

Defining size

How often do you walk through a store and see signs that designate where certain clothes are? Such as, men, women's, boys, girls, etc. Or perhaps during online shopping? I'll admit, I love online shopping, even if I have no intent of buying anything I love seeing new shipments and imaging if I could buy whatever I wanted. For much of my life (meaning, the time in my life I could start shopping for myself) I had a hard time going into stores and buying things. I would usually end up crying and being upset, not liking anything that I saw or if I liked something it wouldn't be in my "size". I'm not sure, but I may not be the only one who has had this experience before. It makes me sad thinking that there are people who have or still are feeling the way I would when it came to shopping. Now that I am older I started to understand shopping more and shopping for my size, don't get me wrong sometimes I accidentally buy the wrong size. I didn't really have anyone when I was younger telling me if something looked good or bad. The typical words were: Okay, get it. Sure. So on and so forth. I remember shopping for a school dance my sophomore year in high school. I was at Macy's and saw so many cute dresses. I grabbed a few I really liked thinking they were my size and went to try them on. None of them worked, making me feel like something was wrong with me. That my body didn't meet the standard that these clothing companies appealed to. I ended up buying a very plain baggy dress that I despised even to this day. But don't worry, that whole dance in general was one of the lamest things I ever attended. Even up till this past year I couldn't eye my size or was in denial of my size. When you are a teen or in your 20's, maybe even older, you want to shop in your age groups area. I didn't want to shop in women's, or plus size. Though, I don't believe I was plus sized at any point but in a weird size of not junior or plus. So women's ended up being the easiest place to shop for me.

The point I am trying to make in this post is what defines size? Why do we have to have petite and plus size designated areas? I understand that separating men and women and from there women and juniors. But why do we need to advertise that in this area you are petite and over here you are plus size? You could argue that it makes it easier to shop. But what I would say to that is first, shopping is never easy regardless of organizing. But secondly, how much harder or more work would be placed on the shopper if the sizes were just in the same area with no giant sign? Our society has created this stigma with what our size is. That our size defines us, that we can't shop in the same area as someone who is smaller or bigger than us. All the while designers and retail know that them separating sizes can make someone feel uncomfortable. We shouldn't be afraid to shop in what is right for us. But also, there needs to be a bigger spectrum of sizes, not just a certain body frame. I'm sure in this post I bounced across that discussion of size and that maybe I didn't hit any particular point but perhaps this will help people to start thinking about the question at hand: What defines size?