New Year: 2015

2015!

Happy New Year to you! 

The year of the sheep. The year of promise to so many people. The day that resets everyone's hopes, dreams and aspirations. To be honest, I feel very good about 2015, I might have read a few horoscope predictions. After everything that happened in 2014 I was ready to come to a close to the year. I am not one to make huge resolutions on December 31st/January 1st, to be honest, I feel asleep by 8:30pm (hey, I just came back from a week out of town I was tired.) I was awoken by fire works at midnight and gave Skyler a sleepy kiss and went back to sleep. Some of my resolutions this year are simple read more, obtain good grades in my college classes, etc. The typical things. I don't set big resolutions on a single day out of the year because I like to set things through out the year. Because, I don't know what will happen in a month or three months or where I will even be. I feel like if I predict what my life will be like for the next year then I am setting myself up for disappointment and other emotional let downs. Since being a closeted perfectionist I tend to get really upset if I plan something out in my head and it doesn't work out. 

But some of my long term goals (more like mind sets) are to let go and stop holding onto anger. What is that saying? Holding onto anger is like drinking the poison intended for your enemies? Basically my anger is only hurting me. I don't want to do that anymore. This maybe a life long goal but no better time to start then now or more like on Christmas I decided this but not the point. 

I hope you had a wonderful season whether you celebrate a specific holiday or it was just another day for you. I hope you were surrounded by family or friends and love and happiness.

Let me know what some of your resolutions were and I hope you have a wonderful and successful year! 

Living with dermatillomania.

1. Dermatillomania
2. The primary characteristic of Skin Picking Disorder (also known as Dermatillomania or Excoriation) is the repetitive picking at one's own skin to the extent of causing damage. Usually, but not always, the face is the primary location for skin picking. However, Skin Picking Disorder may involve any part of the body.
3. As a disclosure this may be a topic that you may find uncomfortable and you are welcome to by pass it. But if you, or if you know someone who has this, continue reading. Also, I'm not a professional researcher and I am not a psychologist. I am strictly writing from my own personal struggle and research that I have done. If you would like further in depth information go to: http://www.trich.org/about/skin-picking.html
4. I wanted to do a post about dermatillmania because it is a disorder that is not entirely excepted as an actual disorder. I am hoping that I can help others understand that this is a disorder, it is not something you may have control over and that you are not alone. It can be picking at ones own skin anywhere on the body, sure there are area's that are more common to pick, but not everyone does this in the same location. It is believed to be triggered by anxiety, perhaps tend to be done in situation in which something happens and it triggers the need to pick.
   I have dermatillomania. I don't know how long I have struggled with it, but for as long as I can remember since I was a kid. Up until a few months ago I didn't know that my complusive behavior had a name; I just thought it was a bad habit (for lack of a better word). I remember so many people telling me to
   "just stop". 
5. "Stop picking at your fingers they are going to scar"
   "Doesn't it hurt?"
   "why can't you just stop? Just don't pick at them."
   "You won't want your hands photographed on your wedding day."
   "Why do you want to hurt yourself?"
6. Many people would tell me that it's easy to not pick, that it doesn't make sense why I do it. They would ridicule me and make me feel like I was abnormal. I was embarrassed of my fingers, I would hid my hands in my sweater or pockets, I had anxiety of people holding my hand or if I had to hand them something I would arrange my fingers around said object in a way that they wouldn't be able to see the scarring and wounds. I didn't want to do this to myself, it's not for attention seeking. If I could, I wouldn't do this it, I would treat my hands with love and care. But I couldn't control it and sometimes I wouldn't even realize that I was doing it. I would sit there and minutes later realize my fingers were bleeding. Even now, becoming more aware of my disorder I still can't figure out what the trigger is. I try to educate friends and family about dermatillomania, help them understand that I wish I could stop, that I am working on it and that telling me to "just stop" isn't going to help me.
7. So for those of you do struggle with this, understand that this is something you shouldn't feel embarrassed about, rather see it as something you should come to terms with as a disorder and open up to a friend, family member, therapist, whoever. If you know someone who struggles with this, don't tell them to "just stop". You are not helping when you say that, if anything you are hindering them. When you see them picking, talk to them, try to help them see that they are not in a stressful situation (given, that you guys aren't in one?) tell them whatever you feel is right in helping them, do not demean them because you do not understand. 
8. It wasn't easy to write at the beginning my admittance on such a public forum. As I do further research and I grow to learn more about this I want to help others grow with me and if you want to reach out, you are always welcome to drop me a message. Also, I will continue to open up about my struggle with you over time. 
9. 
   

Staying relevant

I'm sure many of us have had self conscious thoughts of: Am I important? Do people care or worry? Etc. In this day of age one of the ways we think we are relevant is based of how many twitter followers we have, how many people like our updates and photo's on Facebook; do you see where I am going with this? I too, have had days were I worry that perhaps I am socially awkward or are boring or any semi-ridiculous thought that something is wrong with me, when in actuality there is nothing wrong with me or you or anything wrong with the people you know, that don't "like" your new photo.

Before there was social networking how did people stay friends outside of high school? Sadly, many people didn't. You moved on with your life as you grew older. Making new friends in college, work so on and so forth. It wasn't because you didn't want to be around your old comforting friends but because as a part of life, you reached out and focus on you. With Facebook we see what everyone is doing. How they are going out of the country, how they are having brunch at the Ritz Carlton, having babies, these huge things and while many of us are sitting at home thinking, when is it my turn? Why are they getting to do all these things? Why do so many people care about their travels and life events? None of things should be important. We concern ourselves with other people's lives too often that we forget to look at what we have. What wonderful things are happening in our own personal lives.

We shouldn't find legitimacy through other people, but through ourselves.

And of course there is the dreadful "unfriended" on Facebook or "unfollow" on instagram or twitter. Why do we care? It's not like we actually talk to these people. Sometimes we do though and that hurts the most. How often do people move on because of a personal dig at you? Not as often as we would like to believe. Believing that someone doesn't want any further contact turns into a selfish desire. A desire to hang onto things and to make things stay the same because it makes us feel secure. Many people are looking for a clean slate, to move on from high school (the drama, the rumors, etc). I have felt offended when I have been unfriended in the past and I probably will in the future. But I myself have unfriended people. Only two people and it was selfish to say the least, but that's not the point of this. We shouldn't focus on what's happening on social networking, we should try to focus more on what is going on in the world, current events. How can we change the world, because that's more important and will be more relevant in the future. No one is going to remember when "so and so" went on a study abroad trip. Many things on social sites are fleeting and will only be remembered by those who actually experienced them.

Hopefully this will help those of you who are worried about why you feel like you aren't relevant. You are not. Just close the computer, go outside, volunteer and experience life through your eyes and your experiences because your relevance should be your own personal thing and everyone else's? That is there's.

Defining size

How often do you walk through a store and see signs that designate where certain clothes are? Such as, men, women's, boys, girls, etc. Or perhaps during online shopping? I'll admit, I love online shopping, even if I have no intent of buying anything I love seeing new shipments and imaging if I could buy whatever I wanted. For much of my life (meaning, the time in my life I could start shopping for myself) I had a hard time going into stores and buying things. I would usually end up crying and being upset, not liking anything that I saw or if I liked something it wouldn't be in my "size". I'm not sure, but I may not be the only one who has had this experience before. It makes me sad thinking that there are people who have or still are feeling the way I would when it came to shopping. Now that I am older I started to understand shopping more and shopping for my size, don't get me wrong sometimes I accidentally buy the wrong size. I didn't really have anyone when I was younger telling me if something looked good or bad. The typical words were: Okay, get it. Sure. So on and so forth. I remember shopping for a school dance my sophomore year in high school. I was at Macy's and saw so many cute dresses. I grabbed a few I really liked thinking they were my size and went to try them on. None of them worked, making me feel like something was wrong with me. That my body didn't meet the standard that these clothing companies appealed to. I ended up buying a very plain baggy dress that I despised even to this day. But don't worry, that whole dance in general was one of the lamest things I ever attended. Even up till this past year I couldn't eye my size or was in denial of my size. When you are a teen or in your 20's, maybe even older, you want to shop in your age groups area. I didn't want to shop in women's, or plus size. Though, I don't believe I was plus sized at any point but in a weird size of not junior or plus. So women's ended up being the easiest place to shop for me.

The point I am trying to make in this post is what defines size? Why do we have to have petite and plus size designated areas? I understand that separating men and women and from there women and juniors. But why do we need to advertise that in this area you are petite and over here you are plus size? You could argue that it makes it easier to shop. But what I would say to that is first, shopping is never easy regardless of organizing. But secondly, how much harder or more work would be placed on the shopper if the sizes were just in the same area with no giant sign? Our society has created this stigma with what our size is. That our size defines us, that we can't shop in the same area as someone who is smaller or bigger than us. All the while designers and retail know that them separating sizes can make someone feel uncomfortable. We shouldn't be afraid to shop in what is right for us. But also, there needs to be a bigger spectrum of sizes, not just a certain body frame. I'm sure in this post I bounced across that discussion of size and that maybe I didn't hit any particular point but perhaps this will help people to start thinking about the question at hand: What defines size?

Best friend tag!

So I would've made a Youtube video of this but oddly enough my point and shoot AND computer are having camera technical difficulties! So, I shall type it out! Enjoy.



Question #0: What is her/his name?
Sarah Shinn

1. How and when did you meet?
   Hmm...let's see. 7th grade?! Oh man. We had a mutual friend I think and maybe one class together? But we didn't become best friends until 10th grade
   
   
2. What is your favorite memory together?
   Too many to count...is what you would think I would say! But, I think one of my favorites was when she and 2 other friends drove 5 hours to see my high school graduation :) To this day I can't be more grateful
   
3. Describe  in one word.
   Understanding
   
4. What's their dream job?
   Musician
    
5. What's your favorite makeup brand?
   I honestly don't know.
   
6. What is something that annoys you about the other person?
   Nothing haha oh other than have incredible musical talent! But it's only "annoying" because I'm jealous. You go girl :)
   
7. If you could go anywhere in the world together, where would it be and why?
   Somewhere in Europe? England!
   
8. What is your favorite inside joke?
   June bug. Rolled up napkin.
   
9. Who takes longer to get ready?
   I don't know. Seems like an odd question.
   
10. Favorite season?
    FALL!
    
11. Favorite song?
    I don't know. I know she likes The Wanted, Landon Austen...and a few others
    
12. What’s it like being friends with someone who’s obsessed with youtube?
    I wouldn't say she is obsessed. She makes videos of songs she has written. More like dedicated to keeping a dream lit
    
13. Heels or flats?
    Flats? Sarah please correct anything I am wrong on.
    
14. Pants or dresses?
    Skinny jeans last time I was told (3 years ago...)
    
15. Favorite animal?
    Dog?
    
16. Comedy, horror, or chick flick?
    Comedy or chick flick.
    
17. Blackberry or iPhone?
    Iphone. That's a given haha
    
18. Favorite movie?
    THE PROPOSAL
    
19. What is something weird that you eat?
    Egglant! That stuff is so weird looking omg.
    
20. Do you guys have anything matching?
    We bought the same shirt once. From Forever 21 I think or wet seal
    
21. What's your favorite TV show?
    Friends I think. I am just going of social networking posts she has made haha

Woo. Well I don't think I have ever doubted myself more than right now! If you have a friend you want to do this for go ahead. I tag everyone :)